Ebook The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home
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The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home
Ebook The Joy of Conflict Resolution: Transforming Victims, Villains and Heroes in the Workplace and at Home
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Review
"Gary's warmth, knowledge, and experience shine through this lively, fresh and inviting approach to conflict resolution. He guides us through the rough waters of conflict to the joy that comes when we connect deeper than our differences. Gary, is truly a Warrior of the Heart in every way." ― Jerilyn Brusseau, Co-founder, PeaceTrees Vietnam "In language we can all understand and with situations we've all suffered through, Joy of Conflict is a must for employees, managers, parents and anyone who values their relationships with others." ― Paul Choudhury, P.Eng. Manager, System Control, British Columbia Transmission Corporation "This book provides us with a new refreshing perspective, presenting difficult concepts in a very "user friendly" way which allows us to better understand the sources of conflict around us, providing practical tools that can be put to use by everyone. It is by far one of the best books I've seen on workplace conflict." ― Jaylene Chew, Human Resources Professional "By using easy to relate to everyday stories, Gary encourages us to move from being 'stuck' in our reoccurring patterns of conflict. The opportunities to reflect and practice at the end of each chapter makes learning new ways to respond in conflict accessible to everyone." ― Pam White, Director, Centre for Conflict Resolution Justice Institute of BC "Gary Harper's adroit use of the story-telling model and his common sense narrative approach casts a fresh perspective on the dynamics of conflict and is rich with the kind of insight that enhances problem-solving tool kits for organizations and individuals." ― Kevin Evans, Vice President, Western Canada, Retail Council of Canada "This is a valuable read for anyone wanting a quick and accessible understanding of the conflict that has captured them and how to get out of it." ― Gerald Monk, author of Narrative Mediation " The Joy of Conflict manages to open doors to the world of conflict and conflict resolution with humor, creativity and insight. It's an adventure in reading and reflection that I would recommend to anyone who lives or works with anyone else." ― Michael Fogel, J.D., LL.B., M.Ed. (Counselling Psychology) former judge, presently a mediator and conflict resolution/leadership educator " The Joy of Conflict Resolution and its simple portrayal of victims, villains, and heroes has enabled me effectively address issues by being aware of the role I play during a conflict. Through Gary's illustrative humor, this book is an easy read and contains a wealth of information and tools on how to effectively deal with people. I think The Joy of Conflict Resolution would be a welcome addition to any technical support person's daily reading." ― George Young, MCSE Bentall Capital, Manager, IT Infrastructure "Gary's story-telling approach transforms theory and experience into living colour. A wonderful approach of insight and skill development that I recommend without hesitation." ― Neil Godin, President, Neil Godin International Ltd.
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Book Description
All you need to understand the dynamics of conflict -- and the joy of resolution
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Product details
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: New Society Publishers (May 20, 2004)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0865715157
ISBN-13: 978-0865715158
Product Dimensions:
6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
24 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#116,882 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Harper explores how people in conflict unconsciously adopt three roles: Victim, Hero, and Villain. He encourages self-awareness in playing these roles. He notes that the roles shift as a conflict rolls along. To eliminate Villain, you must give up the Victim role and ask directly . The Hero must let go of being right. The Villain must let go of attacking, even in self-defense. Harper sees conflict as unmet needs. He encourages us to notice our assumptions and to move from judgment to curiosity. He devotes a chapter to defensiveness, noting that what underlies our defensiveness is an “unbearable idea.†One chapter is titled, “Standing Up for Ourselves (Without Knocking the Other Person Down).†He points out in this chapter that it isn’t useful to take the position that “I’m okay. They need professional help.â€Here are some of Harper’s tips for being a Warrior of the Heart and for exploring outside the triangle of Victim, Hero, Villain.1. Observe yourself.2. Clean up your own stuff.3. Notice the defensive impulse.4. When triggered, ask, “What do I fear?â€5. Note emotional signals and ask yourself, “What’s going on here?†Ask the other. Don’t assume you know.6. Listen for the others’ needs.7. When you see you are in a position, ask, “What is important to me?â€8. Rather than react to personal attacks, get curious.9. Put your movie on pause and restate the other person's story.10. Conflict is messy. It has to be. Otherwise, everything won’t come out.11. Keep a sense of humor.
Entertaining read with some useful information and a simple model for change and resolution in some, mostly benign, environments. The basic positions described offer a functional insight for simplification of how to rethink our roles with others. While useful, the concept is oversimplified when individual intent is added as another variable. In a world of sunshine and roses where everyone operates from a basis of good will to others, it provides a useful insight for avoiding common relationship road bumps. For more ardent conflicts based on deeply held judgments, deception, long patterns of passive aggressive fears and anger this simple model is way outgunned.Over all, a good read and useful idea.If you read this book, be sure to read "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas Harris, as it will help add important new dimension to the concepts.These two books should be combined for at least 4 times the benefit.
its states a lot of points to people's mindset and you get a good grip to a better understanding of people behaviors and how to understand and deal with many attitudes at a workplace and people you come to contact every day in life.this book clearly shows a refined way of incorporating how to deal with people you can't stand to people whom you feel is not listening to you or your needs... it's worth​ to read twice and dialogue your way towards people through this book. clearly is well written, not all is 100 but its worth a good read. you will feel clear and precise with this book. try it.
I bought this book for a conflict resolution course I was taking for my ECED degree. It was one of the few required readings I have actually enjoyed. It was light, humorous, and resourceful. I also loved all of the pop culture references.
This text was a required text for one of my classes this semester. It arrived in wonderful condition. I really like the writing style in this book and the examples used. I really do think that learning to handle conflict is a life skill, so I recommend this for everyone. This would be a great home school text as well.
Thanks to my so called 'friend' Elizabeth Simms' for not returning the loan, I had to re-purchase. Learned a valuable lesson there
Great for business and home. Lends a nice perspective that can be applied to any situation.
Good ideas & feedback, but a bit repetitive.
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